Humorous

 So You Think English is Easy? 

                                       So You Think English is Easy

I was wondering the other day why it is that we park in a driveway and drive on a parkway.

Then it hit me, how can a person that does not speak English learn English ?

The bandage was wound around the wound.

The farm was used to produce produce.

The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

We must polish the Polish furniture.

He could lead if he would get the lead out.

The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

I did not object to the object.

The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

They were not close to the door to close it.

The buck does funny things when the does are present.

A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

And if the foregoing hasn’t messed up your mind, consider the following:

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is ‘UP.’ It’s easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election? Why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We call UP our friends. We use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver. We warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special. A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!

Humorous · Just Nice

The English Language is Fun.

 

We park in a driveway and drive on a parkway. 

The bandage was wound around the wound.

The farm was used to produce produce.

The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

We must polish the Polish furniture.

He could lead if he would get the lead out.

The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was

time to present the present.

When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

I did not object to the object.

The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

They were not close to the door to close it.

The buck does funny things when the does are present.

A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

And if the foregoing hasn’t messed UP your mind, consider the following:

 

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is ‘UP.’ It’s easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP?  Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election? Why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We call UP our friends. We use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver. We warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special. A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!

Author Unknown

 
 
 

my-photo (23)

Humorous · My Poems ~ Others poems

Teddy Bears & Cake

unnamed (76)
Chocolate Cake Day
 *
The big sweet day was yesterday,
It was yummy chocolate cake day.
I ate and ate my chocolate cake,
Ate so much I couldn’t stay awake.
 *
My teddy bears had joined me too,
They ate even more then I ever could do.
One had growled and licked his chops,
The other yawned and down he dropped.
*
The big big bear into the woods did stray.
I’m finished I’m full and now I have to say,
There is nothing better in life I swear,
Then eating chocolate with your Teddy Bear.
 *
by Eileen

My Chocolate Blog ~ https://foreverchocolate.wordpress.com/

*
NATIONAL CHOCOLATE CAKE DAY – JANUARY 27
NATIONAL TEDDY BEAR DAY – September 9
                                                                                           
autumn · Humorous · My Cats · My Poems ~ Others poems

I’m Only a Cat

Cat by Alan Albegov.( Paihia, New Zealand)

  • I’m only a cat,
    and I stay in my place…
    Up there on your chair,
    on your bed or your face!
  • I’m only a cat,
    and I don’t finick much…
    I’m happy with cream
    and anchovies and such!
  • I’m only a cat,
    and we’ll get along fine…
    As long as you know
    I’m not yours… you’re all mine!
  • Author Unknown
  • Found on artodyssey1.blogspot.com
Humorous · My Poems ~ Others poems

The Tax Man

Tax his land,
Tax his bed,
Tax the table,
At which he’s fed.

Tax his tractor,
Tax his mule,
Teach him taxes
Are the rule.

Tax his work,
Tax his pay,
He works for
peanuts anyway!

Tax his cow,
Tax his goat,
Tax his pants,
Tax his coat.

Tax his ties,
Tax his shirt,
Tax his work,
Tax his dirt.

Tax his tobacco,
Tax his drink,
Tax him if he
Tries to think.

Tax his cigars,
Tax his beers,
If he cries
Tax his tears.

Tax his car,
Tax his gas,
Find other ways
To tax his taxes.

Tax all he has
Then let him know
That you won’t be done
Till he has no dough.

When he screams and hollers;
Then tax him some more,
Tax him till
He’s good and sore.

Then tax his coffin,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in
Which he’s laid…

Put these words
Upon his tomb,
‘Taxes drove me
to my doom…’

When he’s gone,
Do not relax,
Its time to apply
The inheritance tax.

Author ~ Not Found
Humorous · My Poems ~ Others poems

The Early Days

 The Early Days of my poetry writing, kinda funny.
 
The Poems I Write ~ #1
 
The poems I write might make you ill.
My empty head they do fill.
Now and then I get one right.
And I cherish it with all my might.
 
Eileen 
 
The Poems I Write ~ #2
 
The poems I write might make you ill.
I do not use a pen or quill.
As you can see, I use a crayon.
And very little of my brain.
 
Eileen ~ 2010